Exclusive, or maybe not?
by TenxAkatsukixTen
Summary: Only the Akatsuki could pull off a very enjoyable and 'elite' way to past the time in a exclusive game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. :TentenxAkatsuki: Warning: may contain 'false' occurences. Crack fic.


**Warning: This fic may contain jokes your slow/immature/naive won't understand -therefore making it non-humor and yet sucky. Therefore, if you are 15 and younger -excluding me XD- please turn back now and never breathe the air of fanficti- I mean... well you know. Just, bye! R&R!**

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Summary:**_ The Akatsuki often times got bored, and with the help of Tenten they developed a very exclusive game to past time._

**Exclusive**

by TenxAkatsukixTen

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The Akatsuki often times got bored. With no Madara and just a Tourette-victomed Tobi, there wasn't much for our psychopathic S-rank criminals to do now that they lacked blood&gore missions. So, with the help of our one and only Tenten, they developed a very enjoyable and _exclusive _sport to past the time a way only the elite Akatsuki could pull off.

Rock, paper, scissors.

"No no no, you guys aren't doing it right!" She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I need to think of a way for you guys to play using something familiar to you." She glanced at Deidara before her eyes fell on Konan, then to Itachi.

"Hurry the hell up will you! This shit is getting boring!"

"Your life is boring Deidara, don't blame me!" A feral smirk made Tenten regret she ever said anything. If she knew Deidara well, and she _did_, he would spout some perverted nonsense that would leave her flushed for one agonizing minute. And being perverted out in the open in front of everyone else would kill her. She couldn't afford to flush in front of all these S-rank shinobi. She just couldn't.

No, they wouldn't take advangtage of her like anyone who _thought_ they knew the Akatsuki would assume-- The _real_ Akatsuki would laugh and throw rocks -or origama... or samehada... or puppets; it depends on who we're talking about. And if there was ever any _girly_-boy that could elicit such an embarrassment, then it was him.

I mean, Tenten was never into trannys anyway.

"Maybe if you spiced it up a bi-" A shoe to the mouth ceased his assault.

"So what do you suggest?" Was Itachi's question to draw her attention away from his idiotic comrade.

A smirk replaced a frown and Itachi was successful. _That's a new pair of shades for me ;P_ "Well…"

-x**X**xTen**x**Akatsuki**x**Tenx**X**x-

"Clay, paper, Tsukiyomi!" A sweat-drop appeared on each and every one of their heads except a perplexed Tenten.

"Nani?" After the build up everything just suddenly got eerily quiet. Was it the game? Did they not like it? Or maybe the problem was just that they finally found something they sucked worse at than housing a young, teenage kunoichi. Lord knows how horrible they were at the job, and had she been any lesser kunoichi, she would have died.

So what was the problem? C_onstipation?_ She thought this through for nearly a half an hour for their psychotic asses and no feedback?

Kisame then combusted. "_Only Itachi has Tsukiyomi you buffoon!!_"

Silence.

"Oooooh…" And another sweat drop.

-x**X**xTen**x**Akatsuki**x**Tenx**X**x-

"Clay, paper, Hiruko!"

… Besides said puppet close to pressing a very dangerous pressure point, live water threatening to choke her, and a _blind-_calculating look short of her chin; she knew the problem all too well.

Tenten sighed. "Hai hai, I know."

-x**X**xTen**x**Akatsuki**x**Tenx**X**x-

"Clay, origami, Samehada!"

The weapon's mistress glanced anxiously between the three figures. "Well?" No one rewarded her with a reply. She tried again. "So, how was it?" Still nothing. Ignoring Tenten, who they've taught _far_ too many forbidden jutsus to be _ignored_, was not the smartest idea for even_ S-_ranked ninja. And it was when a tick mark grazed her eyebrow -noting her patience running thin- that the, for the most part, feared Akatsuki _feared_ their own lives.

Maybe it was their fault, like it was for Gaara wearing eye-liner, for coming to Tenten -a, no _The_ Weapon Mistress- for help in the first place. Maybe they should have kept to themselves.

You see, at first, they -as in the idiots- were all just standing around the cave looking all emo to a point where Tobi ran off to rape dead _things._ But once they realized that they were all alone and the cameras were off-- it was time to have some fun. However, Motot Kishi forgot to program this _fun_ into their systems. So they soon found themselves highly bored with torturing poor ninja kittens. Torturing, meaning changing a very important scroll message from: _The neighboring village is planning an attack on us, Tschuchikage-sama!!'_ to: _Fuck off, bytches! Smileyface.'_ This led them venturing into their Headquaters and walking in on a naked Tenten -insert sword here- and a whimpering Deidara.

After a few weapons to the ass cheek, she decided to help.

They wondered later, after being stitched up and laughed at by Kakuzu who was oblivious of their glares do to their asses in the air and faces in the dirt -insert perverted, gay joke here- if this was such a good idea.

But you couldn't blame them, she was the last to leave the fucked up civilization that was _non-emo_ life, so she must know _something_ for pyschopaths to do to past the time when they aren't cutting themselves. Or, yanno, peircing every digit in their body with black, chakra.., um.. pole like- **(A/N**: Hey Pein! What the hell _do_ you and Konan use to pierce yourselves when you can't find your razors? ... Oh) -chakra-sticks. Which would be the cause for them playing a very deformed game of rock, paper, scissors.

But... when you ignore that same kunoichi...

You get weapons to the throat.

They didn't know where it came from, but remembered feeling faint signs of her chakra around the time they were wondering whether to continue this game or continue changing more mission reports for lame-ass villages -such ass Iwagakure- before weapons from hell were pointing at their vital organs threateningly. "I asked a question here," she droned icily, twitching her fingers, protruding _purple_ chakra strings. _Too much prune juice I guess._

This happens when you ignore Tenten in her own room. A Tenten who was feeling _very_ sex-deprived because of her denial and the loss of her usual bedmate, Neji.

What? What's so surprising about that?

She was a dominiate girl, and he was very...

..._feminie._

Her sex-deprivation and being ignored all in one day was more dangerous than a crazed Itachi when he finds out that Kakashi's ninja dogs _stole_ his shades, _again_, a hungry Zetsu when Naruto suddenly decides to _stop_ killing the enemy, and a thirsty Kisame when... Well lets not go _there_. Shudders.

Tobi launched from the floors, dodging her weapons in that strange, _gay,_ Tobi way. It's what happens when you're penetrated by each and every Akatsuki member in order to join it. Including Konan O.O "Take it easy beautiful!" At his frantic reply, she withdrew her weapons. Everyone audibly sighed in relief.

Being grateful that she actually listened to Tobi and spared them any more bruises on her account-

"What had us so stunned-"

"-was the fact that-"

"-this damn game-" Sigh.

"Is amazing!" -they decided to lie. Tobi dropped his arm around her shoulders casually, no doubt grinning beneath his mask.

Besides shivering at their innate ability to finish each other's sentences, Orgies being the cause, Tenten glared warningly at the fool dangling from her shoulders: a.k.a striking range.

Ignoring the heap of Akatsuki on the floor, she patted her hands and asked, "So who one?"

"I got origami," Deidara muttered disappointed, holding up the paper bird in his hand as if it'd turn him straight.

"I got clay," Konan said monotonously, doing the same with a modeled parakeet.

"Origami," muttered Itachi.

"Origami."

"Clay."

"Clay."

"S-Samehada!" Everyone turned their heads to glance behind Tenten's back. She looked over her shoulder to see Tobi dragging the sword safely with a piece of cloth. She nodded. "Well, Samehada rips Konan's origami, Konan's origami folds Deidara's clay to bits and Deidara's clay blows up Samehada." Kisame growled at that, rubbing his backside delicately, gazing at his sword as if he were horny. "So no one wins," and Tenten only grinned.

"So," Sasori muttered, finally gaining everyone's attention since the game started. "what happens next?"

Tenten gleamed mischievously, making Tobi recoil and drop the sword. She then lifted it with her bare palm, feeling her balls grow ten times bigger at the power it fed her, everyone but Konan and Itachi gasping at the act. Pein lay sleeping, mumbling nonsense about not having enough Abercrombie to go on any farther, Kakuzu sticking a feather in his ear every two seconds and giggling like a virgin-teenager at a House party when it was promptly slapped away.

"The _losers_ have to do what ever the winner says, and seeing as I got nothing…" Her grin turned into a leer. "And that winner gets to see," her finger pointed accusingly at Sasori. "your face!"

Again-- silence and a sweat drop. "What?" No answer. "What is it?"

In fear of a repeat performance -and more weapons to the rear, Itachi queried. "This game was all a ploy for you to see Sasori's face, wasn't it?"

She froze. _Busted._ "N-no-"

"Mangekyou Sharinga-!"

"M-maybe!" Her arms shout out as if to stop his onslaught. The last time Itachi caught her with that she found out what it was like to be fingered for five years.

Sasori, or rather Hiruko raised his eyebrows. "Well why didn't you just ask," he stated. Then stood before her in all his shirtless and puppet glory. Pants-less to, as they fell down. He didn't really get Kakuzu to fit them after he was _supposedly_ killed and they were torn. Reason being fighting that old woman who wasn't really his grandma and that pink slut that tried to give him a blowjob behind everyones back to find her _lover_ and do the same for him to get him to come back to Konoha, before she found out he didn't really _have_ a penus(O.O)

Forcing herself to remember who she was and where she was, Tenten tried her best to hold in her outbursts. But when Sasori donned on his Akatsuki cloak, leaving only his head visible, she lost her calm. Shooting backwards from an intensely released nosebleed, she went down shrieking, "Sexyi!" -in some japanese word I can't really remember and fainted.

Everything would have went back to normal if a certain someone's pride wasn't being jeopardized. "My man Sasori, it is time we fought!" before Deidara lunged and was shot down by a metal tentacle he had no idea was there. This noise woke up Pein, and no one but Deidara was surprised when his cerulean eyes could no longer see the light.

"Idiot."

"Just because Pein-sama is sleep-drugged doesn't mean he's weaker than when he's lazy."

"He just never learns."

Everyone who wasn't hurt or knocked out, or-bleeding, or _hard,_ went back to their game to pass the time in an entertaining and exclusive way only the Akatsuki knew how.

"Clay, paper, Tsukiyomi!'

"Dammit."

"One more!"

"Yosh!"

"Clay, origami, Samehada!"

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**Well, I know I promised you guys an AWESOME TentenxDeidara fic, but - T^T I'm sorry! SO, to keep you all busy, here's an AWESOME crack fic. Please review! Ja!**

**TenxAkatsukixTen**


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